wut?
Finding words.
It occurred to me that in order for me to say whatever I think is debating in my mind is exceptionally wordless. I am not saying verbally, but as in writings. I have these wonderful ideas. Yet I have no idea on how to put them in writings. Then they just slipped away. Not being said nor written. Take this one example, I just had finished reading the “Farseer Trilogy”, then it became clear to me that somehow our lives can be ‘wrapped up’ in our heritage and our family stories would be sung by our generations forever.. Or something like that. I finished reading that trilogy back in 2002. I begun with.. ‘As I finished reading the Farseer Trilogy,I...’. So I think I myself would never know what was it that I was trying to say. Some revelation for me, but left neither unsaid nor digested by the young, newly ‘educated’, naive me. By this time, that knowledge is just part of me, so much so I just take them as part of my life, just as how I understood that eating cookies will always be nice when I dip them in my tea or Milo. When I got the knowledge? How ecstatic I was? Both can never be explained.
Actually, now my problem has gone even deeper. My train of wise, beautiful, matured, yes, my revelation thoughts, understanding over things in life cannot be explained verbally, I cannot say them out loud, I cannot explain myself. That is even worse, isn't it?. I would begin my conversation by giving one kind of stupid statement, which is always my mistake. Then the response I would get ‘wut’? Then, I just stopped explaining. My inner self would say, ‘aaa...will never understand’.
Thus, my thoughts would be well, one day they will understand the way I do. Or maybe I would say to myself, “Give them time, Insya-Allah they will see it”.
Now when I tell someone or anyone about this, then the answer I would know, you know, I already know them. ‘You have a block in you’, ‘you need to do more exercise with your communication skills’, ‘you should see yourself positively’, the answer goes on forever.
That’s the thing. I understand we live in a community. We have to mix, talk, socialize, and do all the things humans do. So that we become human. Heck what am I talking about here? That’s it. I cannot explain it. Or the other way round, I just think you would understand... somehow.
This is my challenge.
For now.
Finding words.
Words to explain myself so that people do not say I am aloof, dreamy.
posted by Tuting Tome @ 12:23 PM
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