seekers of truth
"Come, come, whoever you are.
Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.
It doesn’t matter.
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow
a hundred times.
Come, yet again, come, come"
arrumi said to seekers of truth.
nayya is one-month old!!
she's asleep.
i have this feeling of wanting to jot down some thoughts....kinda some matured stuff.
but don't know what.
so that's kinda a sign for me , i'm a bit relaxed.i guess i have reached my getting used to baby's sleeping pattern.
ooo..its her one-month birthday!! yay..alhamdulillah.
but i am really hungry rite now.hypoglycemic feeling.havent had breakfast, and now is 12 pm.not a good thing coz am breasfeeding baby.have to eat well too.
talking about eating, pregnant..must eat well,post-pregnant..must eat very well coz what i eat will directly go to milk.body wise, i am 15 kgs over weight!!!!so just imagine my nitemare!!!
12 pm, 22/FEB
pics
so the pic of her this morn on bed.. she was busy kentut'ing and after her bath.
ok nayya is up...
hancing mommy
rite now nayya has rashes on her face, back,arms a bit...ma said its quite normal or babies to have it.
everyday i'd get siram over by her u know.like rite now.wahahaha.... so around 12 or so she'd sleep long enaf for me to mandi,eat, and blogging.hopeully aaa...well, the longest time she slept was when her nana tucked her to sleep... her nana slept with her, so maybe she found that nana had a comforting aura with him...she almost slept the whole day and nite!! only to wake up for feeds, and afterwards sleep again.i had time to do many things that day.
gosh this is so hancing!!!!:(
NOW
enaf backdating info...
so we are in the 'NOW'
hehehe...:)
add another couple of days, nayya will be a month old. yay!! her one month birthday is coming.btw, my birthday was just 3 days ago.only aimi remebered my birthday, hilmi during eve.ma was when hilmi called, ba was an hour or more afterwards, hana was kinda around the same hour, aiman lak, was gonna wish me, but was in his dreamy state... so ended up being the last to wish me.
so happy birthday to me... the year when everyone forgot about it, almost everyone.
no hard feelings tho.ok, a little....
so nayya is a aweet baby.not so much tantrums.she loved to sleep.but aren't all 1 month babies do sleep a lot?
she loves to smile.altho she doesn't quite know why she was using that muscle to smile..but she does smile a lot.when matuk came, ma gave her lyco and arnica, seemed she responded pretty fast with hom remedies,so she ended up crying a lot, coz dah jadi proving lak.so that was when she lost her sweetness for awhile.afterwards she was ok.
a couple of weeks ago, she started having colics,so again every now and then she'd end up crying,esp during the nite,no she's not the kind that cries alllllll the way, she just didn't want to sleep, had to walk her,rock her a bit..all in the middle of the nite.with her ayah too la. was having flu, with fever, runny nose,cough, terrible headache...imagine had to wake up in mid of nite, and not feeling well.
so spells of 3 hrs sleep breaks, during the nite. and during the day,every 2-3 hrs must feed baby and rock baby to sleep... i simply couldn't do anything.
then, i started to get the new mom syndrome.tension tak tentu pasal...wahahaha.... looking at hubby sleeping was like ... why me???? cant i have time of my own? cant i go to toilet whenever i wish to go?cant i read a book?cant i go update my blog? duh all sorts of selfish questions.wahahaha....came a time i simply took my bath at 5 am, coz, i wanted to do it the nite before and wasn't able to.so got miserable and bathe as early as that time.
well,adjustment period this is.that's all motherhood is all about.they say,giving birth is easier compared to raising a child.i don't know yet,but,wish me luck.
this is where all children (maybe i'm too generalizing to everyone) would say they want to raise their baby the best way...not the way they were brought up... wahahahaha.but, all i can say is this, i will try my very best to be the best parent for my child.i may not be perfect,but i will love her and tell her all the time that i will be there for her,no matter what.i think all children would appreciate that.
there u go...nayya is about to wake up.maybe she made some poooo or maybe she wants some milk.
pst delivery
post delivery
well, i just simply slept after the delivery.only st 4 am i woke up.baby not at my side..:(
i had to go to toilet..not that urgent to go, but have to, if not something would be wrong... as they say la... tell u, it was the worst thing ever... sakitnye!!!!!
the sakitnye thingy lasted for the next 2 weeks.cried evrytime i had to pass bowel, b.o.coz i had a third degree perineal tearing...more of cutting.wahahaha.. so it involved the external anal sphincter.
slept back afterwards.only to wake up in the morn. and then i think i got to see my baby in the afternoon maybe.
tuesday
the next day was better, so i kinda wanted to see my baby earlier, this was tuesday, at 8.30.tried to give her breast milk,nope she didn't want.no milk to begin with.
so today found out she was jaundice.i could go back today.but baby could not.so another day in the hospital.then she had to be put under photolight thingy.she cried, i too cried. it was so cruel, they had to strip her till she wore just her diapers, with no cover or bedding, they put her under the warm thingy, till the jaundice dissappear.my baby couldn't stand being alone, with no clothes, and it was warm.like the whole nite i was up, trying to console baby, then made her fall asleep, then undress her, put her under the lite.then she would wake up crying, i'd do the same thing again... it was crazy, sometimes i could only put her 5-10 min only then she'd cry.called my hubby later, told him am already tired.he said let baby in there i go to sleep. it was for her benefit. so i consoled baby for last time... and let her sleep in the hot crib... i too slept...only to wake up when i heard she screamed so loud. i let her slept under the hot thingy for 2 or 3 hrs solid... when i picked her up she was so hot. nyesal tido ehhh....
wednesday
today her jaundice was down only to 14.takleh balik gak. i was like going crazy.here i am so tired, after delivery. havent had a bath.not been eating well, since before birth and till now.then ma did her thingy,afternoon, around 3-4i cold go back with baby.what a relief.
couldn't remember till which day my hubby slept with me at the hospital.i think till the second day,then i had to sleep alone.waaaa, nangis eh, coz one thing couldn't sleep.the other thing i had to go to toilet alone.not becoz i was scared, but it was all pain.oo yeah the first time i went to toilet, i did a little bit of walking, i almost fainted.
ainayya mardhiyya
cont
by 4 i think, i said i just simply couldn't take the contractions anymore. i said, give me the painkiller.what ever to dull the pain..first the petadine, which had done nothing to me, then laughing gas, too didn't have any effect...wasn't laughing after inhaling the gas..:)... then by 4, i was given another drug, i forgot the nameof it.i fell asleep almost immediately...just the pain was unbearable....for an hour i slept, well it was kinda awaky sleep, half awake and half asleep.all my contrctions kinda vanished. mama was so worried how can contractions hilang camtu saje.hehehehe...
well baby's heartbeat was doing ok.after awhile, then i think durg to help contractions was given.so it was getting closer, every half a minute it came, each time was painful. then by back started to hurt.then uterus or cervix,then both. the doctor made VE again, with the contraction, she did VE, the sweeping lagi, sweeping is like clearing up the birth canal (maybe)to accelerate the birthing thingy.was so dissappointed that cervix was opened 7 cm. i was like please doc not now,until my contractions over then the VE.then doc Ishaireen came, she did VE,said, ok maryam i want u to hold on to your legs ad push... i was like, what now?i'm having the contractions...so tu la, was reading thru birthing process, wht u should do, how calm u must be, well, the practical part was... wayyyyyy different.unexpected ... i was like couldn't even differentiate between first contraction, second contraction, transition, third contraction didn't even feel it.
so, nayya was delivered with assistence of forceps. coz mommy was exhausted of screaming her lungs aout... wahahahaha.... i didn't know i had that voice like that...poor girl, she had marks on her left eye...
well, when nayya was firt put on me, i was, what a cute girl.so sweet.my feelings was i dunno.tired i guess.when they stitched me up, i didn't feel anything, just a feeling of lega aaa.... finally its over.
i went thru a total of 10 hrs of labour, not including the nite before..that was considered as kacang putih je
baby's name is ainayya mardhiyya.it means (my blessed beloved or buah hatiku yang diredhai)
well not everyone agreed with the name.what can i say. if follow everyone's wishes, then life would be just too complicated.dissappointed too, but ...
bersalin ...
ok, how many weeks it took me to get me to write in this blog. first of all this is the new blog that i was saying about. hehehe... lame gile baru nak gune.. duh...
well, first hand experience of giving birth!!! painfull!!! but the silly thing was i kinda make a memalukan thingy when it happened.. the whole maternity ward i think heard my screamings.. wahahaha... and i was suppose to push...push...
maybe i think the contraction phase i had it all at the hospital, the doctor broke my waterbag. so that itself was painful.imagine a long thing was put inside u and it had to be kinda stirred the membrane... well, even the what was it? V.E. was painful.and then i was admitted quite early, the middle of sat nite.then slept at the hospital, that time my cervix was 2 cm opened.by morning it only had gone to 3 cm.so at 8, i had artificial membrane rupture thingy lah.and then was given painkiller, petadine i think.maybe at the same time was given some thing to stimulate the contraction.well, the real contraction begun by noon i think. i didn't have anything to eat since morning. was just eating yogurt, choc,milk.
u know i was closing my eyes almost all the way...reason i dunno. everytime the contraction comes, i was holding to almost anything i could. i was ranting 'sakit ma, sakit ma'. for my hubby, tak sanggup nak cakap kat dia, sebab i thought he would bear the pain with me too.thank god, mama and hubby were there. i wouldn't have known how i would feel.
oklah sambung lagi lepas ni.. nayya dah jaga.
